Still Here!

It's been a month since I've updated. I really feel like I need to get back to this again but it's hard when I get busy.

There's been quite a few things going on this summer. Lots of gatherings of family and friends and just plans in general. Last Sunday, I was dreading the month of July... I was hoping July would be nice to us this year. So far, it has been ok.

On the 1st we took a one day trip to my dad's (6 hours round trip) to help him clean up after a really nasty storm that they are now saying was a land hurricane (basically a tornato without the funnel). So we went and helped get him all cleaned up from trees falling on his house. It was 6 days for them without electricity in 100 degree weather. It was awful the day we were down there, I can't imagine a week like that! But he was there for us last year in July so I felt that we needed to help him out this July.

Then on July 4th, we had a cookout with family and friends. My Sister-In-Law told us that day that she was expecting. (I kind of thought so because of some things she said and did over memorial day weekend). We are truly happy for them but it still hurts since they started trying the same time we did. She's about 9 weeks along now. It also killed my Father-In-Law even though he is happy for them as well. He said he'll be happier when it's us making that announcement. I really hope that's us soon. I feel like I've let everyone down... my husband, parents, in-laws and everyone looking forward to meeting Noah.

So here we are, our 7th month of trying. It's getting really hard to keep going and I know my body just isn't ready. Our hearts, minds and home is ready... I just wish my body would catch up.

So other than that, things have been going... ok. I feel like my whole life is out of control right now and I need to get back into the swing of things. We let a lot of things go the last couple months for some reason. I guess to make us happier? Not real sure but it's time to get caught up on everything in my life again and get on a better track.

In less than 2 weeks, it will be Noah's birthday... I can't believe it's been a year already!! It just doesn't seem real that this is still happening. It still feels like a crazy, horrible dream. We are planning to go to the Pittsburgh Zoo (we decided on something fun and kid-like) and then possibly meeting some friends for dinner that night. So we're going there on the 20th after we visit his gravesite in the morning. Then on the 21st, we're having a cookout for everyone that really supported us and were there for us last July to celebrate Noah's birthday. I'm trying to figure out what to put on his birthday cake at the moment... still can't believe I'm not planning a "real" first birthday party... I think it would be easier than planning whatever it is you want to call this thing.

Mommy still miss you so much Noah! I hope you'll help me through July 20th when that day comes...