I'm back!

Wow! Has it really been since August since I've posted in this thing??? Time is really flying by!

I hope to keep up to date more with this thing. I think it helped me and I need to get back into it for my sake. Things are spiraling downhill for me and my life is out of control. I joke that the only thing going right in my life is my marriage... all jokes aside, unfortunately, it's true...

Nothing is happening in the baby area which is ok. I really am ok with it. But then you have my SIL that is preggo so I have my family all in arms about her and to be honest, I am a little jealous and feel like we are forgotten. And another friend of mine that I'm pretty close with that is trying so all she talks about is baby stuff. I hate it... I want it all to end! I'm happy for everyone with babies and having babies... I'm just jealous and it's hurts. I know it's been 16 months and I should be moving on (which we are) but it's still hard. I hate showing all my emotions so I tuck them away. Apparently they are creeping up on me and I've had about all I can take.

Then my work is not getting any better at all. I hate my boss. I know hate is such a strong word but I feel like everyone above her is on her side with everything even though she is wrong. I feel like she is out to get us and get rid of us. NO LIE! We all feel that way. I just want out of there. I've had 6 interviews now and one more in 2 weeks. SOMETHING has to come along for me. I can't take her anymore. I seriously feel like she tries to blame everything on us and make us look bad. I can't seem to do anything right! All we're trying to do is fix things and keep the office afloat. I also feel like I have no one else to turn to about it. Like I said, everyone is on her side. We've tried going higher and we're getting no where. My co-worker actually went and complained a couple weeks ago again because it's horrible and was basically told that if he's not happy, then he can leave... she's not going anywhere. That was my (and his) clue that we need out! I can't afford to just quit right now but some days, I've seriously had enough. Today she acted like she was my best friend. She knows I'm trying to get out of there and she wants to talk about all my problems all of the time. Sorry but she's NOT my friend and I don't want her knowing my personal business. She keeps saying that we can hang out... we can even hang out and she hopes to hang out after I find a new job. I DON'T WANT TO HANG OUT WITH HER!!! We have nothing in common and she's trying to be everyone's best friend. Everything we talk about in the office about our personal lives, she ALWAYS has a similar story... doesn't matter what it is. Like today, she got me talking about Noah. She says she's been there. I DON'T BELIEVE HER!!! Why is she telling me this all of a sudden when she knows what happened to him? Why haven't I heard of it before? Quite trying to relate to me and tell me you understand when you DON'T!

I just can't take anymore on my plate right now... I wish God would seriously do something good for me. I know it's all in His time but still. It's been almost 16 months... it's time for something good to happen to us. My hubby and I joke about moving to Tennessee in the Smokey Mountains and just have fun and work in the touristy area and enjoy life again. It's more and more appealing the longer I stay in this crappy town. I know he won't move but I just need a break from my life. I've been trying to fix my life without anything happening and I know I should turn it all over to God but it's hard to trust Him when my life hasn't gotten better yet.

So if I still have any readers out there, please say prayers for me so I can get out of this funk I'm in and finally be happy with my life again... starting with a new job. I know that will solve A LOT of my problems. Because of my job I'm not sleeping well, I'm stressed, I'm not eating well and it's all catching up to me now.