It's July... again...

I know it's been quite a few months since I've posted anything. I really feel that I need to get back to this again. I think my life was a little better when I was using this as my outlet... no matter how many people are/were reading it. :)

It's been a crazy few months since starting my new job in March. It's still going really well! We're nearing the end of our first Orientation program as an office which is exciting! 5 more days and then we'll slow down a little bit until next Spring.

There's been nothing new on the baby front. We actually started taking fertility meds last month and they didn't work the first round so today I started round 2. I really don't know if I can take anymore of this. I'm hoping this month (or next month) works. If it doesn't, we are going to see about the next step. I would LOVE it if this is the last step.

And as my title reads... it's July again... in 8 days, we will be remembering Noah's 2nd Angelversary. I can't believe it's been almost 2 years since I held my baby in my arms. OH how my arms miss him!

I'm not quite sure what we are doing to honor his birthday yet but it will be an entire day with my husband for sure. We are at least visiting his grave site and putting flowers and a 2nd birthday balloon on. Then we're either cooking a dinner we don't have often or going out for dinner. And then we're possibly going to a movie (or a movie in). See? I told you, we didn't know what we were doing yet! :) Either way, it will be a nice day for just the 2 of us.

I also want to try to think of something to do each year to remember him... something to make and give away or donate in his memory. I just can't seem to decide or come up with something I like. It's so hard to choose something since we didn't really get to know him...

What would he enjoy playing with right now?
What would he enjoy watching on tv?
What would his little voice sound like?
Would he eat anything and everything like his Momma?
Who would he look more like? (Although he was a great mixture of both when he was born! I do wish to know if he would still have my red hair...)
Would he still have my hubby's cute little nose?

Things we will never know or experience. That is the hardest part at this point... wondering what kind of person he would be turning into as he embraces todlerhood and the "terrible twos".

July is also the month I dreaded since Christmas... we found out so many were expecting in July. 3 to be exact... 2 of which have had their little boys. Still one more which is Craig's cousin. I have been avoiding his family ever since Christmas. They are very "in your face" about things and I'm just not ready to hear all about her and her baby. I know most of my feelings right now are because we are struggling with infertility. It hurts and it sucks!! I never thought my life would be like this when it came to kids. Maybe because I truly never saw myself having kids. But now that we had Noah, I want a child in the worst way. It truly is the missing piece to our family.