3 months...

Today marks 3 months that our angel has been gone... I can't believe it's been 3 months already but some days it feels like it's been an eternity. It's gotten a TEENY, TINY bit easier in the last 3 months... oh, who am I kidding... it's not any easier at all!! It's so hard when everyone around us (at least it feels that way) is expecting. I just don't understand why we are the ones going through this. What did we ever do to deserve this??? I know it was probably nothing and I'm sure there's a darn good reason for it, but I really want to know what His plan is for us. I think about it all the time... why am I still here? I obviously still have a purpose... even if it was so that Craig didn't go crazy losing the both of us at once. It still is very scary to think I might not be sitting here if things were even the slightest way different. I feel like I know a little bit of the answers but at the same time, it's a dumb reason to take our son from us.

I honestly think we were given the second chance to pay off debt and get set more financially. I know it sounds really funny but I honestly think it's true to a point. We aren't struggling but I don't know how we would have made it the last 3 months if Noah was still here... I really don't. I'm sure we would have found a way but it wouldn't have been easy.

After paying the bills tonight, I realized that we have extra money this month... I honestly don't know where it came from because we have yet to pay any debt off (plus we had the quarterly bills due) and Craig is actually working less hours (not working overtime like he was). In my book, we should be struggling even more than we were. I've only made about $80 (the extra money was a good bit more than that) so far with my new business and I haven't even started my holiday job yet. Plus we spent a good bit last week when we went to Hershey for the specialist appointment in just gas (1.5 hours one way), Christmas buying and dinner down there. I'm very thankful for wherever it came from and I know it will only continue because my new business (TS) is going to really start picking up and I'm also going to be working a 3rd job for the holidays at Hickory Farms. So I know we can pay a good bit off by the end of the year and then start socking it into savings since it's gone thanks to our wonderful medical bill we got. (Thank God for insurance though!)

I've had this thought that we're going to take advantage of the "extra" time we have before children and tonight proves to me that I'm pretty sure this is "why" we were given the time as silly as it sounds. It's something we NEED to do so we're better off down the road. Like I said, we're not struggling but I'd feel so much better if things were paid off and we had a savings again. I'm hoping that today... 3 months later... this is a sign that things are going to get better for us. It has to... I don't think I can take anymore in my life right now.