Last Dr. Visit

Today I had my last doctor's visit with the one that did my C-section and everything. She just wanted to basically check my blood pressure to make sure everything was going well since going back on the pill. I'm happy to report, it's all fine and dandy!

I also talked to her a little bit about the specialist appointment last week. She kind of agrees but also possibly disagrees with his thoughts. She said she agrees with it not really being HELLPS and that the infection definitely could have caused the abruption. However, she said she also saw a lot of other things go on that he wouldn't have see in his little "report". So I'm still guessing he is pretty much right, maybe not 100%. She also said that she would probably have me come in more often in the last month or so of the next pregnancy. And she would also have various tests done during that last month just to monitor me and the baby more closely. I feel better about it but at the same time, I'm still scared out of my mind! I'm so ready to go again but at the same time, not. It's a very scary thing that happened to me and I'm VERY, VERY lucky to be sitting here typing this blog. If this ever happens again, I might not be so lucky. I don't want to look at it that way but it's true. I hope and pray that we finally do become parents someday. I hope to be on here blogging in less than a year saying we're expecting again. I really do hope so!

I also just saw on another blog (the one I've referred to a couple times) about another couple that lost their daughter to SIDS. They are expecting again and I commend them for taking this very scary step. It doesn't matter HOW you lost your child, it's a hard thing to sort of "move on". She had a onesie made that said "My big sister is an angel in heaven". I thought that was SO cute and I was just thinking the other day that I'll have to come up with another clever way to tell our parents next time. This time we bought them shirts for Christmas... my MIL and mom's said "Grandma... Finally!" and my FIL's said "Grandpa... the man, the myth, the legend" They loved them! So this time I might do something similar to what this other couple did. I really like that idea since Noah is still very much a part of our family... he's just up in heaven with my family that has already passed on. I can just see my grandmother doting on him. She LOVED her great grandchildren while she was still here. I can only imagine how she feels now that she has 1 in heaven with her and he's ALL hers! I just know in my heart, she is taking great care of him and that I don't have to worry about him anymore.

Sorry I know, I got off on a tangent... and I know I talk a lot about next time but I wanted SO SO SO badly to be a mother. And while I am a mother to an angel in heaven, I definitely do not feel like one at all.