Jealousy

I never thought I'd be jealous about other people having babies... but I am. I guess I'm in a totally different position than I was at this time last year.

Last year I was excited to be pregnant and ready for the next chapter in our lives. This year, I'm seeing others so excited and expecting their little ones at any point now. I hate it! I really, really hate that I'm on this side of the fence, watching all of them enjoying their little ones or the fact that they're about to become parents any day now. I know I've had this mean streak against one of our sort of friends (the ones I've mentioned before that say they know what we're going through but really don't). I have no desire to see them or their little one right now. Although more of it is what was said to my husband and I by this couple in the last few months. I know they're trying to help but they really should think before they speak. They just had a baby a few months ago and like I said, I have no desire to see them right now. Part of it is because of the baby and part of it is them.

Then we have another couple of friends that are due to have babies any day now or in the next couple weeks. There are 4 of them to be exact. I am truly happy for them but deep down, I'm also VERY jealous of them. I just want my little boy back... this aching, it seems like it's never going to end. I just want it to go away but I have a feeling, it's never going to go away.

Day by day, we're getting closer to our 6 month anniversary of Noah's birth. It's going to be so hard, I just know it. I can't believe it's been that long without him. I just hope we can become parents one day soon. I've never been so ready. I know this might sound bad, but I'm more ready now than I was when I was pregnant with Noah. I guess because my hope and dreams were way up when I knew I was in labor and those hopes and dreams are still there to this day... but obviously they won't be with Noah.