Another Brief Visit

Today after work I went to the grocery store where I ran into my mom. She told me that the deed for our grave sites was in (we inherited them through my great grandmother). So we officially have 2 plots for Craig and I. I hate thinking about that but it's also nice to know we have them. Noah will be in between the two of us when Craig and I are gone some day. It's still weird to think that far ahead at 30 years old...

So anyway, my mom also told me that the grave marker for Noah wasn't the one we ordered. So they are reordering it. It just seems like nothing with this whole situation can go right. I was curious to see what the current one looked like because we can keep it on there if we liked it. I knew it would be hard to do but I went to see it. It's so plain... the one we ordered has hearts around the edge, a little birdie at the top and a little angel and lamb on the bottom. This just had the hearts around the edge. Then in the middle it had his name and the date he was born/passed. That was it. So plain and yucky looking... not that looking at your son's gravesite is any joy anyway. So hopefully the new one comes in soon. I think at this point since winter (yuck!) is not too far away, we won't put a whole lot on his grave this year. We'll wait until Spring. I want to find something that lights up on it but not sure what yet.

It was nice to just take a little detour to go visit him. I knew I couldn't do it without crying though. I've been crying a lot lately again. I seemed to be doing pretty good for a week or so. Then all of a sudden I think of something and I'm missing him. I still can't believe it's been 2 months already! I just want him back... I shouldn't have to go visit him at a cemetary. It's just not FAIR!! Everyone else around us is having nice "successful" deliveries and here I am... missing my little man more than anything in the world! I would give ANYTHING to have him back.