I was reading some of the pamphlets we got from various places/people at the beginning of this nightmare (as I like to refer to it). There are a couple that really struck me and really explain how I'm feeling right now.
When your parent dies
you've lost your past.
When your child dies
you've lost your future.
This one really gets to me...
How very softly
you tiptoed into my world.
Almost silently,
only for a moment you stayed.
But what an imprint
your footsteps have left
upon my heart.
I know people try to help us through this but sometimes what they say is not helpful at all. In our opinion, a miscarriage is not the same as what we're going through. I understand they are suffering from a loss also. But I truly think we are hurting more since he has "stats", he truly was born. We have, thankfully, quite a few things that someone that miscarried does not have... we have pictures, we have a gravesite to visit, we know his "stats", we know exactly what he looked like and most of all, we got to hold him... if only for a short period of time, we got to "bond" a little more with our little angel.
I seriously just want to scream and cry... I just don't understand why this happened to us. I still can't believe it some days. To go 9 months (and 5 days), then to completely lose what you've come to know growing inside you just kills me!
In a way, I'm so glad I'm headed back to work on Monday. Sitting at home all day by myself is just killing me some days. Thankfully tomorrow is my last weekday alone and I have appointments and errands to run so it shouldn't be too bad. I'm so ready to move on... not forget... just move on from this whole experience.
I miss you more than anything in the world!
aww hun! I am so sorry. I will never say I know how you feel bc i dont. but i do understand when people try to make you feel better and their words hurt more then the silence itself. i wish we lived closer, i would come sit with you (even if it was in silence) just so you knew that I was there for you! ((HUGS))
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