Aching

Tonight for some reason I have this aching feeling... my arms just ache to hold Noah. I haven't had this feeling at all since he was born but all of a sudden, I just want to hold my baby. Sometimes, a picture is just not enough.

I also went into his room the other day to get a few things (first time in quite a few weeks) and I didn't do too bad. If I would have just went in and got the things I wanted (non-baby things), I would have been fine. But instead, I stopped and looked through his clothes and nursery bedding... not a good idea. I lost it! I hope I can still use his stuff if/when we get pregnant again. I hope it doesn't hurt to know that it was all meant for Noah but I also feel like we shouldn't "waste" the money we spent on that stuff either. I know there are a few things that will be put away and marked as "Noah's". I'm still hoping and praying for a boy again... I'd love to have a little boy. We even have a name again for a boy... It came to Craig out of no where a couple weeks ago and I think it's going to be our choice if we have another boy. We weren't trying to think of names, but every once in a while, we'll talk about it.

Hopefully sometime soon I can make my anouncement. We're officially trying again now. I hope this loss doesn't effect us. I've heard sometimes it takes a while to get pregnant after a loss. I hope and pray that it happens as quickly as last time, but only time will tell. Until then, we're still trying to get through this crappy situation we were put in... still wishing I knew why...