Another Dreaded Day

I didn't think today (Mother's Day) would be as hard as it has been today. I do still have my mother and I have a really great mother-in-law also so I couldn't ask for better mothers in my life. However, knowing that in a way I am a mother myself is so so so hard today.

As I was getting ready for church this morning, it really hit me. I should be getting ready to spend my very first Mother's Day (well second if you count the one that I was pregnant for) with my son and my husband. However, there is a HUGE piece missing from today... my son, of course.

And then the church service was all about mothers. The pastor had a great message about being mothers, but I felt torn... am I truly a mother??? He also asked all of the mothers at the beginning to stand... did I stand? No. why? Because I do not feel like a mother AT ALL! My role as a mother is totally different than what everyone thinks it should be. In a way, it's easier... in a way, it's harder.

I never in my life thought I'd be "celebrating" my first Mother's Day without my child. So to all mothers (or stepmothers) reading this... hug your children tighter today even though they should be celebrating you. Hug them for all mothers who wish they could hug their child on their special day.