A Hint of Hope

Last week I bought 2 adorable onsies that I just couldn't pass up. I bought them thinking it would trick my body into giving us a baby... so we shall see if it works. :)  I'm not going to share what they look like yet.  Hopefully that will come soon with my post about some good news. Although I'm not getting my hopes up at all this time either. Symptoms are here again but I still can't bare to think that I'm pregnant. I had so many symptoms last month too. So I'm just kind of ignoring them since I was so wrong last time.

Also on Sunday was 10 months since Noah has been gone. I can't believe a year is approaching so fast! I asked my hubby what he wanted to do for his day in July. We both took the day off since it's a Friday. We have decided that we're going to visit his grave site that morning for a while and put "birthday" things on it. I said that we'll just get a permanent marker and put "in heaven" on everything that said birthday. Then go out of town somewhere for the day. Then that Saturday, I think we're going to do a mini cookout with close friends and family. I think we're going to have my MIL make a cake that just has his name on it. It's such a hard decision on what to do for this day. You can't really celebrate but at the same time, I'm not letting it slip by like it never happened. He was born... born sleeping, but still, he has a birthday that we'll remember and memorialize forever.

Planning a real 1st birthday party would be so MUCH easier... then again, life would be a lot easier if he were still with us too...