I survived

Well, I survived the first big "anniversary" of something surrounding our little one. Yesterday was pretty hard for many reasons. Of course, it was 1 year ago that we found out that we were expecting our little one.

And then I found out that another friend of ours suffered a miscarriage last week. She was only 8 weeks along. She said she has no idea how Craig and I are dealing with what we're going through because it's hard on them after only 8 weeks. I told her that it's still a loss, just a different degree of grief.

Also we found out yesterday that another one of our friends had their baby on Sunday. While I should be happy for them... I'm not. I'm not going to lie. The biggest reason I'm not happy for them is because they are the ones I mentioned about earlier saying that they understand everything we're going through because they suffered a miscarriage at 10 weeks. They also act like we lost our son because we're not religious enough. That is what makes me the maddest (if that's a word) about the whole thing. If I could find a church I like around here, that would be totally different but Craig is happy and hates to move on. I know after the holidays, I'm going to be convincing him to look somewhere else. I NEED more church in my life... I do know that. But for this "friend" to, in a round about way, tell us that that's why we don't have our son, really makes me mad! I'll admit... I haven't been to church at all since all of this happened and we didn't attend too much earlier in the summer due to me being so tired and such at the end of my pregnancy. But to have someone tell us that (and someone that's supposedly friends), really hurts. So like I said I'm not happy for them and am also jealous of course. Jealousy is also a given... I'm jealous of everyone having babies right now. NO doubt about that.

So needless to say, yesterday was a crappy, crappy, crappy day for me. Life just pain sucks! No nicer way to say it. I'm sure things will be different about a year from now when we're (hopefully) welcoming a new little one into our family but until then... life's just not fair! I just want to skip the next year of my life...